Diary of a not so lonely me, but still an empty bottle

Finally an Adventure to write about! LoliDay was this weekend, I got to spend it with some friends, we didn't go out or anything but we got to dress up and take pictures. It was so much fun to just dress up, talk, giggle, joke around and take pictures.

 Its great to spend time with friends that have some fashion taste in common. I must admit I don't have self confidence to wear lolita out on the street be it by my self or with friends. When ever I wear it out if I'm with friends I'm less scared but still worried. I love Lolita Fashion and Japanese Street Fashion A LOT, I try to incorporate it in my everyday wear and some times I do feel good about wearing it, but when it comes to lolita since its so over the top it scares me going out. This lack of self confidence bears from low self esteem. At least I have it clear whats causing it and even if I try to conquer that its been years since I've tried but still feel the same.

Wearing Lolita makes me feel free inside but the internal battle between the goth loli that lives in my heart and low confidence fiend in my brain is never ending, there can be days I feel like wearing it but then I turn back and don't. So many fears of it, being judge, looked upon, encountering people from work and what they may image me as (work at a school as a Special ED Assistant) so many reasons I don't wear it out other than meet ups and conventions. Even at events I look at other girls wearing it and I still feel I'm not good enough for this fashion. That's why I haven't purchased anything lolita related in months, I wouldn't want to waste money on a skirt I'm just gonna put away and use it once in a while. This is what some call being stuck...
I need some time to think what I'm gonna do. I do incorporate some lolita elements like accessories and bags to my everyday style and that makes me happy a little. This fashion made me discover great friends and also horrible people. But lets focus on the positives, great friends, boyfriend supports it and family deals with it. Memorable moments created in meet ups, hangs outs and even on social media. Even if I stay in the fashion or leave it and just continue with my own style Id like to thank my bestie Naida, my boyfriend, mom and all the friends that have accepted and supported the crazy person I am.

It may not be the end of this loli feels, I still have like 3 more dream prints to get...but yea internal turmoil and dispair,   Im just in a phase of my life where I am stuck when it comes to fashion. Its not a cool feeling...

Thats the end of my entry, its summer! Ill probably post more adventures. Next meet will be at the Zoo and althou I wont be wearing Lolita Ill take lots of pics! Im planning on a simple Street Style outfit.

Todays Look:

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